⚠️ FILE NAME: [OFFICE-SUPPLY-ANOMALY] - SUBJECT: BRENDA

SQUIRIALLE INTELLIGENCE ARCHIVE
Division: Resource Management & Cubicle Warfare
Clearance Level: ACORN-3 (Mid-Level Caution)

👤 SUBJECT PROFILE: BRENDA

Species: Human (Confirmed)
Location: Cubicle 4B, Sterling & Cooper Bldg. (Proximity to potential window nut caches)
Known Aliases: The Stapler Fiend, Sticky Note Spectre, Queen of Passive Aggression
Threat Level: ⚠️⚠️⚠️ (Moderate - Resource Drain & Morale Hazard)

Suspected of hoarding critical office supplies (paper clips, rubber bands - potential nest materials).
Weaponizes spreadsheets to induce confusion and despair in lower mammals.
Utilizes passive-aggressive sticky notes for psychological warfare. Example: "SOMEONE keeps leaving nut shells by the copier. Just saying. :) "

Q2 2024: Requisitioned entire building's supply of red Swingline staplers. Motive unknown.
Ongoing: Leaves cryptic, vaguely threatening messages written in Comic Sans font.
Observed: Communicating with pigeons via complex series of window blinds adjustments. Possible intel leak.

Agent SqueakyTail: "Subject exhibits unusual territoriality around the water cooler. Avoid direct eye contact during hydration cycles."

Agent BushyFoot: "Lost three paper clips during reconnaissance mission near her desk. Assume they are compromised."

MONITOR & AVOID PROVOCATION.

Operational Guidelines:

Focus efforts on securing the communal biscuit tin.